Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
