Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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