Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The feeling are messing with the penis
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
