did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I am available for nakedness
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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