No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
