Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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