We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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