and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
