i wish my penis had a tongue
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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