I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
