I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
