Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
