dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
