I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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