She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
