i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
