I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
