The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
