You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
