I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
