i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
