I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
