I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
