Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
time to smoke my breakfast
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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