Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize