Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
