All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
