I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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