i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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