I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
birth control should be required to get into college
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
