had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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