I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
