I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
