what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
