I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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