I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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