Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
