She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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