how can u be prego again
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
