You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
