i think my tv is drunk
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
