he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
