for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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