I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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