if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You ruined the universe
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
