Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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