Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
