I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
