all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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