omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
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We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
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You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize