I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Randomize