I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
