I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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