The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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