Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
