i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
