I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
