I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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