what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
