dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
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I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
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My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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