So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
