my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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