I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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