i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
