hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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