Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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