hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
