so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
