I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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