Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
