wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
