you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
