when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
