Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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