I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
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I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
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Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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