I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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