the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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