I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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