shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
