he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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