He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
