Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
