In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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