I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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