I just pynch a tree in the face
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
